Columnists » Lady%20bunny

Foley Schmoley

by Lady Bunny
Monday Oct 9, 2006

Hi! My name is Bunny and I'm very, very bitter today? Why you ask? Well...

Now Foley claims to be gay. Guess what, you fudgepacker wannabe, WE GAYS DON'T CLAIM YOU! Neither do we alcoholics! BURP! VOMIT! LOL! And the nerve of Foley's lawyer announcing that his client was molested by an unidentified clergyman when aged 13-15. "He continues to offer no excuse for his conduct," the lawyer claims, but as so often happens, the pattern of abuse repeats itself. But he's not a pedophile. Hungh? So what pattern repeats itself? If abuse creates abusers, how did Foley become, not a sicko pedophile, but a harmless, garden variety gay? Like that cute, dancing, dyke Ellen Degeneres. The spokesman made sure to announce that "he continues to offer no excuse for his conduct", followed his excuse: his own abuse. To echo some of your insightful comments on my last Foley post, whatever the reason, be it Ellen, Queer Eye, RuPaul, Dame Edna, Mrs. Doubtfire or just plain evolution (for those who don't dispute Darwin), the notion that gays are child molesters seems to have faded from common "knowledge." I didn't write down the sources, but two different talk show hosts (both admittedly liberal) cited statistics of 98% of child abuse occurs when straight men fool around with underage girls within their own family. Dammit! And I only had one sister who was older!

Mabe he is gay who just dabbles in pedophilia. A Florida paper, the PALM BEACH POST, discusses his very poorly kept secret.

Other Foley revelations which let you know how magical the world is today, friend!

Huffpo reported that Foley's now famous screen name, Maf54, was still trolling the internet on Tuesday from rehab! I know, he coul be contacting family members for support. Young, male family members' members.

Matt Drudge blamed the pages for "egging the Congressman on." "There are 16 and 17 year old beasts." The blog FIREDOGLAKE.COM queeniously dubs the scandal LA CAGE AUX FOLEY!

Foley's brother-in-law never recalls him having a drinking problem. And Foley's guidance counselor with whom he's remained close since his teen years, never once recalled Foley mentioning any hanky-panky with a clergyman.

Two pages have now stepped forward to reveal their own sexual emails with Foley and a non-sexual get together at his pad. Both were 17 at the time. I continue to think that based on my own active sex life from years before that age, unconsummated, online smut talk with a 17 year old does not a pedophile make. I even asked my therapist, "Do you feel that my having sex from an early age might have screwed ME up?" He just laughed and said "Not as long it remained in your family." I'm so gald that NAMBLA offers free counseling in NYC!

How rich is this? Foley could almost be prosecuted under the child protection act which he himself pushed through the House. So he really knows the "ins and outs" of abuse, if you know what I mean. So great to have had him as our kid's horndog--I mean watchdog!

Kirk Fordham, the second head to roll as the chant for Speaker Dennis Hastert's own guillotine grows louder, offered ABC an exclusive deal: a Foley resignation exclusive in exchange for ABC not to air the most explicit of the email messages. Thankfully, ABC said no! Isn't that proof of how desperate the GOP is to contain the damage? So they get one major network not to air ALL the transcripts. I wonder what the other networks were offered? And I wonder, as the ruling party overextends it's energies to scramble and spin the page scandal and Condi's latest lie with most of our troops and reserves deployed overseas in a flop war, who the hell is going to protect us should some terrorist attack occur? Am I being a total alarmist or does this resonate with anyone else? Is Rove's promised October surprise a cute li'l ol' anthrax attack, which'd be more widespread than their first, individual mailers? Chertoff just yesterday ok'ed inspection of US-bound cargo in foreign ports. So glad that the head of national security trusts muslims who despise us to inspect our imports. Oh well, I'm sure some corporation got a pretty penny out of the deal an that's all that counts.

CNN interviewed a female page on Tuesday night who said she knew of no sexual rumors concerning the representative. Well, why would you, honey? Foley don't like fish! Great investigative journalism by CNN, The Most Busted Name In News.

Not the most busted. In a supreme example of how gullible market researchers have determined Americans to be or how desperate the repubs are to spin this catastrophe or both, according to AIR AMERICA's Randi Rhodes, at least 3 times on Monday night, FOX "NEWS" put "Democrat" under Foley's photo as his party affiliation! As The Goddess of Radio opined months ago, again and again this administration and it's henchmen in the media have tested us to see if we are paying attention to their shameful antics or calling them on it. And guess what? WE AIN'T!

A caller phoned into Randi's show Tuesday to mention that in 2001, when graduating pages were warned about the representative's probable advances, ONLY THE REPUBLICAN PAGES WERE WARNED. Randi seemed to be aware of that report. Talk about partisan politics and politicizing everything! We, the GOP values voters, don't mind a little child abuse as long as it doesn't affect our party's kids. Democratic kids? Abuse away!

Of course, Miss Rhodes is having a field day with this on AIR AMERICA. As always, she flying with unbelievably dead-on points which are so well-expressed. One discussed Hastert's being accused of gross negligence. "It's gross alright", but it's not, she says, just negligence, it's an active cover-up. It's so delicious to watch republicans unravel over this. Someone commented that the democrats haven't made the most of the scandal. What's the use? Just sit back and watch the Grand Old Pedophiles of the GOP hang themselves. And I imagine that ANYTHING dems say on this would be turned against them by the loathsome, if brilliant propagandists in the Bush administration. The same spinmeisters who made us believe that a president whose response to 9/11 was to read a PET GOAT book is somehow strong on defense. Or that a decorated war hero like Kerry was a flip-flopping coward who couldn't protect us the way a draft-dodging alcoholic failure could.

Randi seems to be going out on a limb with one theme. She's painting the Foley scandal as one sympton of an especially dark, sadistic GOP. I'm not sure I follow her on this one. She's tying together all these threads:

Jeff Gannon, the military-themed prostitute who had unusual access to the White House and a day job to ask easy questions in press conferences for a ficticious new agency created by the administration.

The homo-erotic torture methods from Abu Ghraib. I didn't see them as erotic personally, but they did involve nudity, lots of boy contact and some anal action. On a totally separate note, come to think of it, an Abu Ghraib torturee would make a simple, dirt cheap, and immediately recognizeable Hallowe'en costume. Fashion a black plastic bag or fabric into a dunce cap and poncho, smear on some feces, and a few wires on your hands and your "Gay Christmas" ensemble is complete!! I know what you're thinking! I know how tough the economy is nowadays. People just don't have he money for costumes this year. Helpful hint: just add wires to your recycled Tawana Brawley costume!

The fact that George Bush, Senior, sat with a member of the Bin Laden family and watched 9/11.

There are a few other (probably better and more eloquently expressed examples which I can't recall), but Randi's point is that the Bush administration is really flaunting their perversity in our faces and snickering while daring us to call them on it. Perhaps Randi is sensationalizing this to keep listeners on edge and returning. Apparently, AIR AMERICA is in financial trouble. They switched their dial position (I don't know what else to call it) in NYC, and though they've always featured odd regular advertisers like Ovaltine, they're now advertising a rentable reggae/dancehall space and Jamaican meat patties, with an announcer whose accent is so strong that patties is pronounced "pwotiss". Are there that many Jamaican listeners on AIR AMERICA or is the station scrounging for ads? Or are these "pwotiss" so damned delicious that they can be enjoyed by anyone with an open mind...and an open bottle of Kaopectate? When I think of Jamaicans, enlightenment and progressive politics don't come to mind first. Apologies to all enlightened Jamaicans, but a lot of your people did kinda throw down the glove to my people. I walked around the jewelry district with Linda Simpson recently, and 3 guys razzed us, one with "batty boy"--the "boy" part hurt the most--and two who actually made shooting noises! Try Jah gun replaces Try Jah love for faggots. My point is: AIR AMERICA. Use it or lose it. Hell, I'm even going to try to patronize their sponsors just to keep them on the air. Tonight I promise I'll choke down a spicy mystery meat Jamaican patty with some vitamin-rich Ovaltine while checking the futures of the gold I bought from Randi herself.

But now, how on earth did I scoot all the way from republicans over to homophobic gun-owners? What a stretch! Anyhoo, the last thing I'll mention about the pages is that a former page, now a professor of law at Georgetown U, was interviewed on CNN last night. He has a plan to re-vamp the page system, rejecting a freshly proposed plan to do away with pages altogether, which is a time-homored tradition entering it's 3rd century. To his credit, CNN anchor John Roberts highlighted the upside down notion that we're supposed to trust Congress to create legislation to protect our children, but we can't even trust legislators to be around teen assistants without molesting them. They went on to discuss how easy it was for a congressman to gain influence over pages, since it's quite exciting for a high school student to receive a personal email from an elected official. And they're right! But how horrid, to abuse the trust of a young, impressionable, earnest teen who wants to contribute to this nation's great democracy! Unless they're a republican page, of course, in which case they're a slimy, power-hungry bottom-feeder who's clawing their way to the top of the Bad Ol' Boy network.

But hey! Thanks for stopping by and glad I could cheer you up!

For more of Bunny’s witty to snitty hare-brained ramblings on everything from Bush to Cojo check out her blog at and sign up for her newsletter.


  • puma, 2006-10-09 20:02:52

    Bunny, you FUCKING ROCK. I’m laughing my ass off - and you’re so right.

  • eileendover, 2006-12-07 17:29:43


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