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Hedda Dishes Drag Race :: How much is that doggie in the window?

by Hedda Lettuce
Wednesday Apr 11, 2012

Hello gentle Americans. Grab your pooper-scooper because Episode 11, of "RuPaul's Drag Race," was steamy dog pile on a busy NYC street.

The main challenge had the four remaining queens create three separate looks centered around man's best friend. No my dears, not a hooker and an eight ball, but four-legged friends: dogs. Each gal was assigned a dog that best suited her personalities.

The blood thirsty Phi-Phi's was aptly paired with a drooling bloodhound. Sharon Needles worked against type and featured a fluffy white poodle man-groomed to an inch of its life.

Latrice, the gentle giant, was handed a little ball of fluff that I greatly feared for its life. In a moment of hunger she might have mistaken it for an appetizer and scarfed it down. Chad had some Chinese crusted thing with thinning hair and scrawny legs. Sort of looked like Chad out of drag.

Sadly I was disappointed that they did not bring back Kenya Michaels as some bushy-haired mutt lapping at the queen’s heels.

The three looks were pooch in a purse, daytime dog park and canine couture. Celebrity judges Rose McGowen (who is looking like some tranny hooker you would find advertising in the back of the Village Voice), and country superstar Wynonna Judd (who looked like she ate the rest of the Judd family along with Latrice’s dog), added very little excitement to an already monotonous episode.

The Drag Queens adorned their garments with fake fur and if I were their dog it would have put the fear of God in me. One accident on the carpet and the petrified pooch would be whipped up into a delightful fur muff. Toning down her makeup, Sharon did pull off a sunny daytime look in a simple sundress with a honey blond wig, showing the judges she had ’range.’

The rest of her looks were lackluster and lazy, spending most of her time hot gluing white fun fur onto a pair of thigh high black vinyl boots. When she strode down the runway, with her white poodle, I swear I saw one of her boots take a crap on the floor.

Phi-Phi’s doggie park day look was stolen directly from Kenya Michaels’ closet. As Phi Phi strutted down the runway with her bloodhound, looking like little Kim, I was not sure who was walking whom down the runway. The rest of her looks were top notch and I felt she should have won the contest.

Michele Visage found Chad’s host of looks to be matronly; Chad, for the first time, found herself in the bottom two along with Latrice Royal. I would have preferred to give myself a lobotomy with a screwdriver than watch Chad and Latrice lip-synch for their lives to one of Wynona Judd’s dull songs.

They struggled through it as best they could and I do give them credit for not pulling off their wigs or shoes (or lighting themselves on fire like some Tibetian Monk). Chad was saved and Latrice, teary-eyed, was sent home, but not before she told RuPaul how Ru has changed the face of drag forever. Yes, she has given drag a cleft lip and a glass eye.

Gratefully there are only two episodes left so I can get back to my life once again, freed from the bondage of this drag hell. Next week Chad will be given the boot and arch rivals Phi Phi and Sharon will battle it out to the end. How do I know this? Drag intuition my dears.

Stay fresh,


Hedda Lettuce

Hedda Lettuce is NYC premier Drag Comic. Hedda has appeared with the likes of Sarah Jessica Parker, Tyra Banks, Vanessa Williams and Madonna on such television shows as Project Runway, Sex and the City, The Tyra Banks Show, the MTV Movie Awards and Ugly Betty. Hedda is one of the stars of The Sundance Channel’s new reality show-Garo Unleased and was on LOGO’s DRAGTASTIC! Hedda’s film appearances include: The Look (Carol Alt), Too Wong Foo, GO GO CRAZY from the producers of The Big Gay Musical, Violet Tendencies and Musical Chairs. She has been in numerous Off-Broadway shows and her annual holiday show-Lettuce Rejoice-has been a sold out event for the past ten years. Miss Lettuce has also had the pleasure of working with many high-profile charity events. For the past ten years, Hedda has been hosting a classic movie night, at the Clearview Chelsea Cinemas. This past June, Miss Lettuce celebrated her 11th anniversary hosting classic films at the legendary Ziegfeld Theater.


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